Almost worth a quick grin…
Anyways, awesome songs apart, like I promised, I will use the next posts to speak about some other girls with who I was also… Infatuated.
I know, it’s a boring subject, but like I said on my first post, with this lame section I am looking foward to be useful to people who also passed or are passing through the same expiriences. As far as I’m weird, I’m pretty sure someone out there can relate to what I write and post.
And while my “love tales condemned to bad endings” may have no interest for some, they maybe helpful to others. If that applies to you or not… Then well, you’re the one to judge that. No one’s forcing you to read this anyways.
So, let’s get to it! And I’m starting this section with one of my most important passions in my life. Arguably the one who started it all.
No, not airplanes.
I meant the first girl, who introduced me to platonic love.
So yes, in other words, this post is about the first time I was actually in love with someone. It all started near the end of 2008, when the 7th grade was beginning.
That was me on the 7th grade. A little bit “shorter”, with less “beer belly” (Another expression that I’m not sure if it’s used in English) and wihout nearly any facial hair. Ahhh, good times when I didn’t need to shave them at least three times a week…
But well, mostly important, I was obsessed with Transformers (Just to point it out in case if someone missed the poorly drawn Autobot insignia on my t-shirt).
That’s right, “just” obsessed. Not really a Transformers fan, which is what I believe I am right now. I had only watched the 2007 Michael Bay movie and had a “few dozens” of Transformers stocked in baskets.
Yes, I didn’t even had a shelf for them. Unlike now, where 3 of the 4 walls in my bedroom are occupied with shelfs full of Transformers from the original cartoon to the most recent “Bayformers”. Around 300 Transformers, I believe. I kinda lost the count since the second movie.
In fact, just to make it clear, my room is full of “toys”. Not just the Transformers overlooking everywhere on the shelfs, but I also have some Star Wars ships and Back To The Future Deloreans over the shelf where my TV is, and on that same shelf, under the TV, I’ve got my “air force” of plane replicas down there. I don’t have as many planes as Transformers, but I guess we can say I have “enough”. Plus, I have plans to build a gun wall for my airsoft guns and an N-scale train layout, as I also want to get some space for my boxed LEGO’s.
Indeed, I do have a ridiculously nerdy room. You’ve been warned, girls!
Either way, that was all just to say that back in late ‘08 (Sounds like if it was decades ago…) I didn’t knew that much about Transformers, neither did I had a huge collection or had watched much more than the 2007 movie and a few Animated episodes.
Yet, I was still obsessed with those robots, even without knowing much about them.
Giant steel creatures who turn into vehicles and beasts… An amazing concept, I think.
Oh yeah, back into the story.
I’ve been on the same secondary school since the 5th grade (I only had to go to my “new fancy school” after the 9th), and I can fairly say I made some good friends there. Not many, but I prefer to have a small amount of good friends than befriend a bunch of A-holes.
Even better, our class has barley changed throughout time. At least some of my closest friends at the time, Daniel and David (Inaccurately drawn above) have been with me all that half decade in that damn school.
There was some new people in the class that year, though. One of them was Filipe, who also became a relatively good friend of mine.
But the most important was a girl.
A young and, at least at the time, pretty girl.
Her name was Claudia.
Coincidentally, the teacher, while choosing our definite places in the classroom, made me sit in her table. And then, I have no idea how I did that, but we started to have a conversation.
That’s strange. It seems like I wasn’t that socially awkward back then. At least I was able to pull off a conversation with a cute girl…
I don’t remember anything of what we spoke about. I just remember we were both enjoying it. Indeed, most things I did during classes were a total blank. I just remember we both became, let’s say, closer friends since that day. We would often speak to each other during breaks (Or when the teacher wasn’t looking during classes).
And then I started to feel “that”. For the first time. It was weird.
On the first week, some of my friends had already deduced my feelings for her, even although I didn’t said anything to no one. It became pretty obvious, and I ended up admitting it a few days later.
On the second week, one of my friends told her. Sh*t just got real.
She immediately came to me asking if it was true and I had no choice but to declare it was.
Before she could say something, we were interrupted by the bell ringing. She said to me we would speak in the next break after the class and that she would have “serious questions” for me.
For some reason, we ended up not speaking on that break. In fact, we ended up not actually speaking with each other for a long time.
Seems like that, after the day when I was forced to say I like her, we kinda stopped being friends.
Yet, I still think she kinda liked me. At least during that time.
I remember that once, while we were finishing our English class and we were just sitting on the last line waiting for the bell to ring, she adorably leaned her head over my shoulder and stayed there, silent, for a few minutes.
It felt… I don’t remember how if felt like.
In fact, I am surprised by how blank my memory is while I write this. I know she was important for me to understand a small misconception of what love is, yet it kinda seems like my brain is making an effort to forget her. And not in a “I will miss her so much that I better forget her” way.
All my memories feel so cold.
… It was the last day of school in 2008 - AKA, the last day before the Christmas vacations - And I was surprised by Rafaela and Cintya calling me for something.
Who were they? Rafaela… Eh, I wouldn’t call her exactly a friend, but she was nice, either way. She was one of my classmates, and arguably one of the cutest girls in the class. Yet, also arguably one of the biggest attention whores. I’m not sure of what to think - Or remember - About her…
Cintya, otherwise, was an ignorant, dumb, annoying bitch. I’ve never seen a girl so full or herself like Cintya. The way how she treated me and some of my friends disgusts me. Well, at least I’m glad I will most likely never see her again.
Either way, they were both close friends with Claudia and “took me” (More like “escorted me”) to her, who has behind the school gym.
With my friend Daniel.
That’s when I realized what was going on: I was only sent there to have it all rubbed on my face. To be judged for falling in love with someone.
Exactly, they were trying to make Daniel and Claudia kiss in front of me just to make me pissed. Maybe not with such a frequent use of the “F” word, but I plainly remember being called a retard and hearing the term “Sh*t on Henri!”.
Nothing happened, either way. Daniel got pissed (For some reason, he kinda hated Claudia) and just got the hell out of there. But I was still mad, anyways.
By how I was being judged for having feelings for a girl and by how they wanted to rub how much I suck in my face.
I think that was the first time I actually hated myself somehow. And that I felt on hate against Claudia, too. From that day, I mostly recall going into Christmas vacations depressed - And quickly forgetting it the day after.
Thankfully, I ended up opening my eyes and realizing how ugly she actually was.
What such a disgusting pig. Both on the outside and on the inside. I’m glad she’s gone out of my sight for now - Even if we had to be in the same class until the 9th grade.
So yes, that was my first passion. Indeed, not a very pretty one. Still, at least it gave me a glimpse of the things to come. And of what that thing called “love” was about to do in the next years, with other girls, of course.
That’s what I will talk about on my next post.