All you need is love

Yes, this is another entry on the “Girls I loved” series.

And this is a bitter one.

Ok, back to 2010. I can say that was arguably the best summer of my life.

Why?

I will start by saying I went to lots of places.

Not just I spent most of my time with my grandparents in Mirandela (A small city in the north of Portugal), as I also traveled to Cologne and at the end of the vacations to Los Angeles.

Cologne was awesome, not just for being a beautiful city but because I also went to GamesCom.

In case if you don’t know what it is, GamesCom is an anual videogame convention in Cologne. It is the biggest one in Europe and also, for what I know, the world’s second biggest only after E3. So yes, it’s pretty much the dream of any gamer, with tons of pavilions with the most variate videogames. I think, every company (Activision, EA, Rockstar, Konami, Lucasarts, K2, just to name a new) had at least one stander there. Per game.

And of course the place was full of otakus in cosplays and obese nerds fighting each other for their favourite consoles.

Plus, I mainly went there because my father (And my aunt, who also works with him, and my uncle and a friend of my father who also went along) works on a video game distribution company and therefore he had some business to take care of there. Which means that I didn’t just had the whole days the convention was there to explore everything around by myself, as I also had a badge that allowed me to enter the “professional” area where all the programmers and devs from the biggest companies were.

And about LA… What can I say? Los Angeles is Los Angeles, with 1301 km2 of huge buildings, beaches, an impressive contrast between the “downtown” and the suburbs, tons of cultures, amazing places to visit (Santa Monica’s pier, the Universal and Warner Studios and the Griffith Observatory are my faves)… Well, arguably one of the best cities in the world. That was the second time I’ve been there (The first one being in 2009 to watch the Transformers 2 premiere) and I still loved it.

From the things I did there, I mostly sublime going to the Dodgers stadium to be part of Brad Pitt’s movie Moneyball.

That’s right! If you go see the movie, I am one of those million persons sited in the stadium! And yes, I saw Brad Pitt and the crew filming it. A unique experience, I must add.

Besides travelling, I’ve also met new people in Mirandela (Mostly my cousin’s friends), completed my collection of Grand Theft Auto games (IMHO, best video game franchise ever!) and started my airsoft guns collection.

Overall, awesome vacations.

And the best? Since my LA vacations lasted a bit more than I thought they would (Nearly 2 weeks), I skipped my first week of school!

That’s right. While my classmates were learning and studying, I was having fun in Los Angeles. And if that wasn’t enough, when I came back to Portugal on friday…

… I had the “luck” to stumble on the sidewalk near my house and ended up contracting my feet muscles.

Hell yeah, one more week of NOT going to school! Of course, to compensate that I had to spend all that time at home suffering from awful pain in my feet during the first three days and walking around all that week in crutches. But well, I guess that’s just a little sacrifice to compensate not going to school, right?

Plus, I still spoke with most of my friends and schoolmates on MSN.

In fact, thanks to Facebook, the “official” story on how I broke my leg was something like this:

I was riding in my motorbike ‘round LA (Girls love guys who ride motorbikes! I mean, even although I can’t even ride a normal bike…), when for some reason my brakes got broken and I crashed into a Mexican street and broke my leg.

Breaking a leg is more dramatic and macho than just “contracting feet muscles”.

Of course, as usual, some rude Mexican gangsters who were hanging out on the Taco Bell on the other side of the street didn’t like me entering their territory and came to me with baseball bats ready to beat the living crap out of me.

Eventually, I won the fight, even with my leg “broken”. And that was it.

What? Don’t you think it sounds a realistic cover-up to my stumble in the sidewalk?

(PS - Just to make it clear if this one sounded too racist, it was just a joke, okay?! I don’t have anything against Mexicans. Of course, except if you live illegally in the LA suburbs and walk around with baseball bats)

Either way, after that second week of recovery I had no choice but to come back to school. And well… Like always, the class was nearly the same, only a few more people got out and another few got in.

From the new ones that got in, two of them should be sublimed: Ricardo Mimoso (Simply called “Mimoso” by us) and Eunice.

Mimoso was a 16 year old dude - Which means yes, he failed some years - Addicted on online games and who quickly got to the top of the class as the “cool guy”, mostly becase of how hard he “pwnd” at Crossfire.

For those who don’t know, Crossfire is an awesome online free MMOFPS developed by the Chinese company SmileGate and brought to the general public (Since the original Chinese one is just way too laggy to be played outside China) in it’s american version by Z8 Games. During the 8th and 9th grade, me and my classmates used to be extremely addicted on that game. Nowadays… Well, nowadays they stopped playing and I think the last time I played it was around September or October from the last year. At lest I’ve got a good arsenal of weapons on my account, including a silver AK-47 and a “M4A1 Custom”…

Ahhhh… I kinda miss that game. Brb, I’m just going to play a quick Team Deathmatch to keep the taste of those old times alive and inspire me to write the rest.

… Done. 15 kills/11 deaths on Fortress, with SCAR-Light and P228. Not exactly a bad score (In fact, I think it’s good, given the fact that I haven’t played it since the last year), but then again, if Mimoso was here he’d laugh at that.

Anyways, seemingly due to the fact that he was a great Crossfire player, I was surprised on how in those two weeks I was absent he was able to become THE BOSS. It seemed like that in a certain way almost every of my classmates respected and idolized him.

Eunice was a… Well, young Brazilian girl (I think she was 14 at the time, the same age as me) but who still seemed much older than she actually was. Not just was she tall, as she also had a perfect body and face, with a long blonde hair and good “attributes”.

In layman’s terms, well defined boobs and a nice ass.

And she seemed to be a bit different from other girls.

Starting out by the fact that she preferred to hang out with us, guys, instead of hanging out with the other girls.

Seems like she preferred our conversations about video games, sex and women rather than spending time with girls and their conversations (According to a friend of mine) about criticizing other girls.

Rare, indeed, but not really something impressive.

Now, before I continue to speak about her, I’d like to mention that even more stuff happened after I came back to school. First of all, two weeks after I came back to school, my parents made me another surprise. Not just one more week free from school, but also spending that week…

… In New York!

I must admit I felt in love with the Big Apple on that trip. Indeed, a beautiful place. Unlike LA, with some tall buildings all stacked up near the mountains and surrounded by suburbs, here the entire Manhattan is a huge and beautiful skyline.

Sometimes I wonder how it must have been with two huge towers standing over that massive skyline. Sadly, for now the only thing we have left are pictures.

Oh, and yes, I did lots of things in the Big Apple, like shopping tons of Transformers in Times Square Toys ‘R Us, going to the top of the Empire State Building (Not as awesome as going to the top of the Eiffel Tower, but it’s still worth it) and the most awesome thing…

I saw Roger Waters performing The Wall. Live. On Nassau Coliseum. Twice.

And on the second day, my dad took me backstage where I met Snowy White.

I know, I am indeed one lucky motherf***er! At least when it comes to what I get, see and meet!

A childhood dream came true. I remember watching the 1990 Live in Berlin show on DVD dozens of times when I was younger, wondering “Man, will something as awesome as this ever be done again?” - And it has been. And the most impressive, Waters is still on tour around the world. And I’m still planning on seeing it, at least, once more.

And those weren’t the only “extra vacations” I had that year. A few weeks later, I also had ANOTHER week away from school where I went to Mirandela with my parents, which could have been great…

… If the reason why I went there wasn’t for my grandmother’s sudden death.

I just know she went way too soon.

I still miss her a lot nowadays. I’m pretty sure that if she was still here she would have some good advice to give me in this stupid age. But either way, it isn’t something I’m always crying about.

Why? Because I loved my grandmother… And for that reason, I’m pretty sure that, wherever she is, she doesn’t want me to sit down and keep eternally crying for her departure.

Since then, I don’t know if it was part of the evident depression my grandmother’s death caused me or if it was just part of my huge absence from school, but I suddenly felt excluded from the rest of my friends.

No, I didn’t just felt it. I know it was true. And I can state that started even before I went to New York.

It seems like most of my classmates - And even friends - Had a certain tendency to mock on me.

For example…

“Hey Henri, what’s your favorite character on Transformers?”

“Optimus Prime, for sure!”

“Wait a minute, you’re saying your favorite character isn’t Megan Fox? That’s so gay!”

Suddenly, the “chatting group” we were in was all laughing at me and calling me gay because I preferred a 10-ton wise robot that turns into a truck to Megan Fox’s annoying character in the Michael Bay movies.

Maybe if he asked “What’s the hottest character in Transformers?” or “What character would you f*ck in Transformers?” the answer would have been different.

Slowly, every time we were hanging around the school in groups, the conversation would soon or later turn into someone calling me a “n00b” in Crossfire or mocking me for having liked Claudia.

Or calling me a homosapien. At least, that was my surname during the rest of 2010.

I can’t say I was exactly getting lonelier…

… But I can state I started to feel surrounded by idiots.

It seemed like everyone around me was charged with the duty to insult or mock me.

And surprisingly, most of that mocking came from Mimoso. He seemed to be the one that in a conversation would always come up with how hard I was “pwnd” in yesterday’s game or with some other random insult.

I became a “target for faraway laughter”.

For a moment, it seemed like everyone in the class hated me.

Or well, at least almost everyone.

Curiously, Eunice seemed to be the exception. No, she wasn’t some kind of adorable person, who’d always compliment me everyday with a kiss on the cheek, but she respected me and sometimes got into conversations with me.

Quoting Roberto De Niro in Taxi Driver: She appeared like an angel out of this filthy mess.

An amazing movie, by the way. Is it wrong that, even although I’m so young, I can relate to Travis feelings sometimes?

Time passed, while things stayed the same. After some, I believe, well spent Christmas vacations, I obviously went back to school.

I was still generally mocked by my classmates. Of course, sometimes I would just get so pissed with their jokes about me that I would simply scream a “JUST F___ING STOP!” and they would end up respecting me… And a day or less, it would all come back to normal.

That was when I made a better decision: To simply stop hanging out with my “friends”, or at lest not so often. Since the beginning of that year, I ended up spending most of my time during the school breaks alone.

It was during those times that I started to feel it for Eunice.

It started with small things, for example, one day we were assigned the same computer in our project developing class and we ended up laughing together at some dumb Brazilian videos she found (And who I also knew).

I think she caused me an impression that day mostly because, if I barley spoke to girls on that school, or well, at least without being accused of something, laughing together with a girl was kinda of an accomplishment for me.

A few days later, I was driving around town near school with my dad. I remember we were discussing something about video games and opening a iPhone game apps studio, when suddenly I saw Eunice on the sidewalk.

That was the first time I noticed on how beautiful she was.

I stared at her for a while, until she noticed me… And we exchanged some quick eye contact for a few seconds, until the car drove away.

And that was when I felt for her.

At first, I wasn’t worried when I noticed that feeling.

In fact, I actually felt slightly confident.. Who knows, maybe I would be able to conquer her heart?

Indeed, how ingenuous from me.

But yes, I felt like I could take it. As if I could conquer arguably one of the prettiest, nicest and hottest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. And everything I thought I need was a bit of time to engage more conversations with her and then choosing the right moment to tell her.

Sounds easy, right?

Well, there was only a “small” setback…

… Exactly, a few days before I could initiate Operation Echo Sierra (Seriously, if it was a military operation that would be the “official” name according to Eunice’s initials and to NATO’s phonetic alphabet), on that bloody Monday. When I first noticed the sight of Eunice and Mimoso hugged while sitting along next to my other classmates and friends.

Yes, I didn’t had time to make a move on her. Not even to slightly get closer.

As if God himself (Or Buda, or Allah, or in whoever you believe) was an awful troll who just wanted to watch me failing.

Fate. I will simply blame fate. I mean, I don’t believe in it, but at least it’s something to blame.

Maybe that’s what fate is for? “Someone” used to be accused when crap happens in our lives?

Makes sense to me.

Either way, it’s the same old typical story: I would end up everyday running into (Or at least noticing) Eunice and Mimoso loving the crap out of each other during the school breaks. Blah blah blah, so many feels, gotta say them, even if indirectly.

That’s when I began Operation Young Lust.

It was an “online operation” with the name obviously taken from the Pink Floyd song of the same name. It involved me and my friend Miguel, from Brasil.

Miguel (Even if we’re only “internet buddies”) is arguably a better friend than most persons I’ve met IRL and he agreed with me performing a “tatical strike” on Eunice to, at least, let her know and see how her attitudes would do.

The objective was simple… Having a long conversation in MSN with him about Eunice, unburdening about how much I loved her, and then sending the conversation to her e-mail!

Yes, that was it! Smart plan, amirite?! Ain’t it so smart?! Huh?!

… Of course, it would be Miguel who would send the conversation, and he would obviously pretend it was “leaked”, like if we was sending it without my knowledge and asking for her not to tell me anything about it.

How did it went?

I guess that, just by the fact of Claudia (Who’s been on our class since the 7th year) having sited next to Eunice during the computer lessons on the day after… I think the photo above shows how she nearly ruined it. And yes, that was on public, while I was passing by the rest of my classmates while they were all “chillin’” together next to the school canteen.

And yes, Eunice and Mimoso were there.

Thankfully, she just stated that I liked Eunice, without giving any evidence.

Thankfully, my bro Daniel saved the day, coming down hard on Claudia and making everyone believe it was all nothing more than another try of mocking with me.

I don’t know why he defended me, seriously. Maybe he knew it somehow?

Only one thing was evident: Eunice - And Claudia who, like I said, was next to her on the class - Saw and read the e-mail. That’s what I knew at the time.

So, I already knew that they already knew. Yet, I had to pretend I didn’t knew anything of what they knew. And they had to pretend they didn’t knew that Miguel sent her a message, even although I knew about everything without telling them.

I knew they were hiding that from me and I knew they didn’t knew I knew. Or at least that’s what I thought I knew.

Indeed, it’s almost a paradox.

I kept making some more conversations and he kept sending them to her - Of course, pretending to be suspicious about himself in our conversations, since he seemed to be the only one who knew it and I obviously had to pretend in the conversations that I didn’t knew he did it - All of them with the solo purpose to see if… Well, if something would change.

Seems meaningless… And you know what?

It did change something.

It made her, a few days before the Carnival vacations, ask “the question” to me on MSN.

Her PC seemed to suck anyways, she would often go offline from one second to another and only come back on the day after.

But yes… We had that conversation. Well, it was actually a bit longer, that one above is a slightly abridged translation, but it was something like that.

And for some reason, it got my hopes up.

… Come on, she was being nice to me! It seemed like she, at least, took it well! Everything was gonna get better now, right? RIIIGHT?

Well, guess what… The next weeks after that conversation with her, were totally cold between us. Both online and IRL.

We ended up never speaking to each other for a long time since then. She didn’t appeared online any more and we were never “together” for a moment after that. I even tried to stay within my classmates group instead of just walking around like a zombie, even knowing how that exposed me to possible jokes and mocking… And we still didn’t had any contact.

Then, the war came.

Yes, the war.

Well, ok… Not actually a “real” war. It was just an invite for our class (And some others) to go in March to a nature reserve with organized activities, mainly laser tag.

But when I say laser tag, I’m not referring to the typical childish ultra colorful laser tag gun wars sets that you see on sale in Toys’R Us… This one was the real manly deal, with heavy-ass guns, huge teams… And of course, since it was in a natural reserve, obviously in the middle of the forest.

Not as manly as airsoft of paintball, but it still sounded fun.

I quickly left my antisocial spirit apart and started to reunite with some classmates to get ready for the “war”. We made some tactics and got a team ready which included mainly me (Duh!), Daniel, Mimoso… And Eunice.

I even bought the day before a camouflage t-shirt and a camo hat (Which became kinda useless since I had to take it off to put another one with tag sensors for the battle) for the ocasion.

But the most important, I had an idea.

I decided to dedicate some time to write down… A “little” something for Eunice.

I felt like I had to express my absurd feelings for her more than in simple pre-planned conversations who’d be later sent to her. And what’s the best way to do that? Of course, by writing a huge 10 page text (Or a bit less, I don’t remember exactly) to her!

And I’ve written it all down. And, according to the people who read it, it was awesome.

I don’t think so. I thought it was absurdly lame. It was just a bunch of pages of me bitching about life and unburdening all that I felt for her and why.

Either way, after writing it all down furiously in one afternoon I had to obviously give it to her the next day. And I kinda had all the plan formed in my mind like this:

Of course, in reality, it actually went something like this:

Indeed, I was a coward. I didn’t had the guts to simply tap her in the shoulder and say “Hey, take this, read it alone and in private”.

Worse, the battle totally sucked. In fact, as far as I hate to say it, I mostly think it was because of my team. No, not Mimoso, Daniel, Eunice and etc, we just had the “luck” to be attached to another team with awful elements. Maybe if the game was “first team to tag all the other enemies” we would have won, me and my “original squad” were actually making a good resistance… Sadly, what counted was how many from each team stayed alive.

Maybe if there wasn’t a time limit, or at least if it wasn’t that short…

And while most of our squad survived most rounds, the other squadron who formed the rest of our team was all tagged. Therefore, we were heavily penalized by that and from the four teams formed, we were the worse ones!

I think I did some good kills though, but what counts the most here, I believe, is team work. And of course, like we did, it’s easy to control and keep up with a squad of 4 or 5 elements… Sadly, the other squad was all unorganized by themselves, each of them going without any tactics and being tagged a few seconds after the beginning.

It was a defeat. And the worst thing is, I didn’t gave her the note. Well, not that day.

The original one, who stayed in my pocket during the whole battle, was all dirty and creased, therefore I printed a new one and kept it on my school dossier. And guess what, I had to give it to her. By myself.

Of course, there was a vast number of “problems” to be solved first so I could reach her.

Mainly making it get to her without Mimoso being around.

The laser tag battle was obviously the best chance for that since they weren’t “sticked” to each other during our time there as usual. In fact, she spent many moments alone there.

And I still ended up not having the courage.

I know, I suck.

And now it was going to be even worse to find a moment when she was alone so I could give it to her.

Thankfully, there was still Daniel.

So yes, I “discretely” gave him a note like that during the class. Since he was in better terms with her and could easily speak to her in-between classes, it was my best shot: I would go to the library with the text, wait for Daniel to do his thing and then, when Eunice arrived, I would give her the text.

At least if she came to me I wouldn’t have much of a chance to fail.

And so it happened. Quickly short after the class was over, she showed up in the library and found me sitting on the sofa next to the entrance.

I had to be quick.

… Or something like that. I mostly recall her “WTF face” while receiving the text.

But I gave it to her, at least.

A bit later after she walked away, I went to the windows on the library who had windows turned to the whole school “playground”.

Well, not really a playground. More like simply the exterior, when we would walk around between classes. I will simply call it the “sidewalk”. And that was when I saw Daniel and Mimoso walking together, and seemingly discussing some important stuff.

No, I didn’t heard what they were speaking, mostly because the library is on the first floor and the sidewalk was obviously on the ground floor, and they were also somewhat slightly far away.

After they passed by, I somehow thought they were looking for me. Of one thing I was sure, Daniel had exposed everything to Mimoso.

Well, he just had lost 3 farms in Crossfire.

I wasn’t afraid of them, but I wasn’t also willing to speak much either. So, since the library was a “hot spot”, I left it after a few minutes.

I went to the exit and walked down the corridor to go down the staircase, but…

I like to use no swear around here and keep a clean language, as I mostly write “sh*t” or “f*ck”, but this time deserves an exception for me to express exactly as I felt on that moment:

SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

Whatever they wanted, it seemed serious. I just knew it was going to be a bad talk.

We walked up the staircase again and went next to our classroom. And then, they started to bombard me with questions.

“Do you love Eunice that much? Don’t you like any other girl in our class? Or any other in our school? Don’t you want me to introduce you to someone?”

Most of the answers to the various questions they made me were “NO”. “Noes” and “Yeses” were pretty much the only think I said.

And then we went for a walk, while I heard them telling me about how it was “normal” for someone to like Eunice and how it would all pass. They even told me that Felipe, a friend of mine, also liked her once, and a few weeks later he stopped with it.

It seemed like if they were doctors shoving down my throat the idea that my love was a disease. A tumor.

And I just needed a new distraction, or a medication, or something. As if I had to forget her.

…. AHHHHHHHHH-UAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

But you may feel a little sick.

I guess they were just wanted me to never get close to her.

At that time, I wondered if Eunice even still had the note. Maybe during the time I was in the library, Mimoso would have seen it and ripped it off her hands? I wasn’t interested in asking about it, either way. There was still the small chance that Mimoso didn’t knew about the note.

Speaking to me was like speaking to a wall. I would just listen and try to pretend to accept the “facts” they would present me.

I knew it was impossible to get her love.

Still, did I had to stop loving?

Were they supposed to control my feelings?

They kept trying to convince me with “soft words” to forget Eunice until the bell ringed. We went back to the classes (The last ones that day).

Then, that night, on Team Speak 3 (A software we mostly used to speak with each other by headset in Crossfire, who also supports text chatting), something happened.

Daniel said Mimoso wanted to chat with me on TS3 and there I went. And it was something like this:

He basically bitched about his whole life. Pretty much what I do around here, only with less drawings and with more drama.

But in the end, he accomplished what he wanted: To make me think we has a tough-ass motherf’er and making me sympathizing with him… And becoming his friend, at least for a while.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closed. I’m pretty sure that was what he was thinking, and what I made him believe he accomplished.

Of course that, later on, I found out some certain “incompatibilities” in his tough life… But I will mention those later, if I can.

It was curiously a few days after that when I got myself a new addiction: My MP3. Since then, I barley spoke with my friends. I would spend most of my time, even if sitting next to them, on the corner with my earphones listening to whatever I wanted.

I prefer to be alone and isolated listening to ALL the Floyd studio albums for the 1000’th time rather than socializing with idiots and being mocked. Even if, since that conversation, Daniel and Mimoso had compromised themselves to stop joking around with me once and for all (And at least they stopped). Just being next to Eunice and Mimoso, watching them “dissolving” in each other was already a big pain in the ass.

Later on, it was March.

And a new “chance” came by.

My dad spoke to me and…

Indeed, he was pretty much suggesting me to invite Eunice.

He even said to me later that, if I didn’t took Eunice, he wouldn’t let me take anyone else. The ticket was only for Eunice. And, of course, to anyone else my dad remembered if Eunice didn’t go.

How my dad knew about her, I have no idea. I only mentioned her once in front of my parents during a conversation about the laser-tag battle, calling her “by far the best girl on the team”, and none of them seemed to think that meant I liked her.

Maybe he read my saved conversations with Miguel about her in my computer? Or worse, he may have found the original note in my room?

Either way, I slightly hesitated first. I obviously warned him she had a boyfriend, but my dad was all like “So what? The Americans didn’t stop invading Iraq and taking their petroleum just because Saddam was there…”

A genius justification, I must say.

So yes, I “shat” on Mimoso and asked Daniel for Eunice’s mobile phone number. Daniel hesitated a bit first, but I said that it was all because, wherever Mimoso liked it or not, Eunice and I were still “friends” and I wanted to speak to her. As a friend.

He eventually gave me her number and I kept it on my mobile phone. I was thinking on “texting” the invite to her, but since that, according to Dani, she didn’t had money on her mobile card, I thought about calling her later instead of sending a SMS.

And how was the first call? Well, I was next to my father, when he remembered me about calling her and suggested me to do it on that moment. And I thought, “Why not”? And I called her.

It only sucked that neither me or my father noticed it was 1 A.M.

And when we noticed that, she had already answered the phone.

I was a bit pissed with my father for even suggesting me that, but okay, it wasn’t serious. All I had to do was speak to her, explain her about the call and tell her what I wanted.

And so I did. On the next day (The day before the show) I sent her an SMS.

And so, a few hours later that day, I called her, while I was playing Grand Theft Auto IV.

I knew it was going to be a quick and slightly frustrating conversation, so I had to keep with me a “peaceful” game.

Later, my father asked me how did it went, and I eventually said him her parents wouldn’t allow her to go.

I’m pretty sure she didn’t even asked. In fact, I’m pretty sure she didn’t even cared or bothered with it.

So, that was it, right? She said “NO”, the best thing I could do is see my father giving the ticket to someone else and enjoy the show without her on the next day, right?

I wasn’t planning on insisting. I know that it would be worse if I tried too hard.

But my father thought it would be a good idea to keep insisting.

So he wrote by himself a message to her. It was slightly longer than mine and I don’t remember it exactly for me to abridge it here, but it mostly said that we were all a family who didn’t consume alcohol and food and transportation was on us and bla bla bla, all that typical stuff to ensure her and her parents we weren’t a bunch of pedophiles who would take her in a van and rape her on the next corner.

I tried to call her a few more times that night (Well, obviously before midnight). She didn’t answer, though. Therefore, she probably went to bed sooner, I think.

So I decided to speak personally with her on the next day.

Or at least I thought I would. But no, she spent all the time with Mimoso. I obviously couldn’t approach her.

I marked the “operation” as a failure and went home a bit disappointed by the fact I didn’t had the chance to speak with her. And I was only a few hours away from the show and I would soon be going to Lisbon with my parents to see it, so it seemed to be nothing left to do.

Of course, my father, who doesn’t accept failure, made me give one last shot and told me to call her one last time.

An awful idea.

She… Yelled at me.

I must admit I shed a manly tear on the moment she turned off the phone.

Well, it’s better to shed a manly and discrete tear for a girl rather than turning my pillow into a soap for one.

After cleaning the little tear, I went into my father’s office and I still remember exactly what I told him:

“Parents without culture…”

And I remember my father, apparently without noticing my slight sadness on the moment, saying:

“Eh, don’t worry, you will have many other chances!”

That was when I thought it would be a good idea to end this madness there. I felt as if any chance I had with her was over, I mean… She yelled at me… I don’t remember of a girl yelling at me before, at least other than my mother.

Maybe I should have just stopped liking her?

Crap got worse when I came to Team Speak just to chat a bit with some of my classmates and clan buddies before I left for the show… And Daniel showed up, seemingly furious, warning me to back the “f” up from Eunice and that, because of me, Mimoso was now thinking on breaking up with her.

According to Daniel, he was about to send an extremely emo SMS to her crying about how perfect she was and how much he sucked and how I would be “a better boyfriend for her”.

It was pretty obvious that couldn’t be good to me. If he broke up with her that way, she would evidently want to come back to him in the next second and immediately acquire a bigger hate against me, given that I would be seen as the one who “caused” it.

I later finally went to the show with my parents, my maternal grandmother and another friend of my father who he gave the ticket. And I went somewhat disturbed, thinking that tomorrow I would be the most hated person in the class for “hurting” Mimoso.

I remember thinking while watching the show:

“If tomorrow I’m going to be judged beyond my classmates, loose all my dignity and become a stranger once again… At least I’m glad I had enough time to watch this masterpiece once again.”

And on the next day (When I was also going to see the show later on the second day - Yes, again, this time with my cousin), guess what…

Nothing happened.

It had just been a lame attempt of Mimoso to get people worried with him and making Dani and me believe he was going to end it with Eunice.

Oh, poor thing!

Still, of course he revealed himself quite pissed with what I did. Eunice obviously told him and sent Claudia, who had became somewhat of a friend to him, to come and speak to me as a “messenger”, telling me about how disgraceful my attitude was.

The worst is, I still evidently liked Eunice. Even if I wanted to pretend I didn’t, I still did. So, I had no other choice…

… Other than accept defeat.

OK, I didn’t took a bow in front of him and said it like that, but after a few conversations in Team Speak and MSN, I made it clear I was going to stop trying anything with Eunice. After all of what happened, her bounds with Mimoso were practically indestructible and she felt in hate towards me. We didn’t had one last single conversation since that phone call.

I would carry on with her mad with me and with Mimoso as a friend.

There was no use on trying anything now.

I just turned my back to them. And quitted.

… Did I?

Of course not. I was still crazy. And I still had a real need.

I only had to move in silently, down wind and out of sight…

And I had to be trusted by the people I lied to.

So that when they turn their backs on me…

… I’d get the chance to put the knife in!

Now shut up for the awesome solo. If you are a real Pink Floyd fan you’re already probably playing it in your mind right now. If you’re not then screw it.

So yes, I obviously had plans. To keep being a friend to Mimoso, and discretely use the “sausage maneuver” on him, to get him out of the game and get Eunice.

It was like if I was still resisting.

But then, a problem came.

The worst of all.

Rumors showed up… And, one or two months before the end of the classes, Eunice declared that, after that year, she would go live somewhere else.

For what I heard, Mimoso attempted suicide when he knew about it. And we was heroically stopped by Daniel… On Team Speak. Yes, Daniel stopped Mimoso from committing suicide on TS.

Sorry guys, but I will have to use an “imported drawing” here instead of one made by myself:

Ahhh, the classic “Are-you-kidding-me-guy”.

But yes, of course he attempted suicide and was stopped by his friend on TS. In fact, for what I’ve heard, he claimed to attempt hanging on himself.

That’s what I would do if I was living in a world of pain: I would hang myself… While speaking to my friends in Team Speak.

Of course that, once again, the poor disturbed boy received all the attention in the class.

I don’t care if you defend him and do believe he actually tried to commit suicide. Yes, the reason was valid (Even although it was confirmed a few days later it was a mistake and she was going to keep living there), but I think I knew what he wanted all the time: Attention.

Douche.

How did it end?

Well, I don’t know much. I only know that it ended a few days after the summer vacations begun, with him cheating on her.

He seemingly came back in serious contact with an ex (Wait, but didn’t everyone hated him?), Eunice got pissed with him and broke it up. And they both followed their own paths.

At least Mimoso was done.

Yet, I don’t hate him. Yes, he was a douche in that school, but now there’s no use on ditching on him (Well, even although I already did), mostly beucase I won nothing.

The only contact I have with Eunice now is through words on my screen. I didn’t ever saw her again after school ended, we only speak one time or another in MSN.

And even although she seemed to end up agreeing with me on the fact Mimoso was an asshole… And she lately seemed to be okay with me… She still doesn’t love me.

I don’t blame her, though.

We’re free to do what we want. And if she doesn’t love me… I am no one to change her mind. She has all the right to see me as a friend only. At least my obsession with her ended.

Why? Quoting Roberto De Niro once again… I realize now how much she’s just like the others.

Of course, if she one day asked me to go out and have a coffe… I wouldn’t deny it. But sadly it isn’t a priority.